Mahalo all for your support. My mother passed away surrounded by family. Appreciate all the prayers, thoughts and aloha as we grieve.
Here is my mother's last letter to the school that she taught as a Chinese teacher. The letter is written in Chinese and translated to English. You can also check out her school's tribute to her @ https://www.sluh.org/tai
My Mother's last letter (2023)
一地尊严鸡毛碎 半生荣华落无声 - 胰腺癌末期患者的心路历程
My dignities were shattered into pieces and my Lifetime Achievement award had silently vanished. I was losing my dignity and glory and starting a journey as a terminally ill pancreatic cancer patient.
当女儿双膝跪下、双手扯下”尿不湿”的瞬间，母女要赤裸裸地直面而对，做母亲的情何以堪！做女儿的泪流满面。
The moment my daughter kneeled down to pull down the adult diaper with both hands, both of us as mother and daughter had to face the truth. As her mother, I felt so many emotions seeing tears rolling down my daughter’s face.
女儿是妈妈的小棉袄，从小妈妈多么希望把小公主打扮的天使一般，可女儿就是叛逆，梳了辫子一会就不见了花蝴蝶！穿了花裙下秒就染上了污漬！每每到了紧要关头，气沖沖的媽媽丟下哭涕涕的女兒揚長而去。
People often say that daughters play the role of a “warm coat” for their mothers. How much I, as the mother, so wanted to dress up my princess like an angel. But she was so rebellious, losing the butterfly bows in her hair and always getting dirt on her floral dresses. I often got upset, left her crying and wasn’t there for her.
媽媽真不是個重男輕女的女性。可是大家庭里自有不少人以长子长孙为重、把儿子捧在手心窝里“有爱心的粉丝团”。久而久之小霸王就成了气候 。
As a mother, I am not one that believed boys and girls are not equal. But in our big family, many held highest regards for the eldest sons and grandsons, held them as the most precious in the palms of hands. And over time, little princes were expected to become kings.
为了扭转乾坤，为了追求自由、妈妈义无反顾的移民美国去做普通平民。也犯上了傻劲，把工作之余的时间献给了社区，想做个好公民嘛！
In order to turn away from the old fashioned ways and to pursue my freedom as a mother. I immigrated to the United States without hesitations. I dedicated my spare time to the community trying to be a good citizen, but also felt guilty not spending that time with my kids.
星移日转两个孩子顺顺利利地学成就业，结婚生子。无意有意中常遗憾女儿怎么始终喜欢跟我鬥嘴、可我嘴笨说不过她啊！记得一次去华府看她。她已是教会的长老。领我礼拜。一只小手往我背上一搭，猛然间感觉她给我的支持，就像当年我送她去女伴家过夜，临别时的两手一握，传递了无限的支持和鼓励.
As the earth has rotated around the sun many times. my two children have successfully completed their studies, gotten their degrees and good jobs, married and had their own children. As I grew older, I often regret how I often argued with my daughter. I remembered once visiting her in Washington DC, where she was already the leader of her church. While we attended a service, she put her hand on my back, and I suddenly felt her love, support and encouragement. This brought me back to the memory of when I had dropped her off at her friend's house for a sleepover, how I held her hands to show her love, support and encouragement when I dropped her off.
儿子的成长绝对是乖乖牌。循規蹈矩絕不惹媽置氣. 这余下的日子老妈自由飞鸟归林，面朝大海，随时都是一场说走就走的旅行！
My son was always obedient, always followed the rules, and never made me mad. He was so easy to care for that it felt as easy as like a bird flying, as easy as a trip that happens by just saying let's go.
谁曾想新冠猖獗、颠覆亲情、友情、人情……每个人都在做适度的调整。老天对我的要求是否过
分了一点？去年四月宣布我得了不治之症胰腺癌末期。我这个连死都不怕的疯子，反应只有10分钟，直面死亡，不接受治疗，该玩玩、该吃吃，该喝喝、该怎么就怎么！
Who would’ve guessed that COVID-19 would become so rampant, impacting families, friendships, and relationships. We have all been forced to make adjustments in our lives. I often asked, is God asking too much of me? Then, last April, I was diagnosed with terminal and incurable pancreatic cancer. I was not even afraid of death. Within 10 minutes, I decided not to receive any treatment. I would face my time left to play, eat, drink, and do whatever I want while I am still on this earth!
当时慰问过聚会过的朋友们都惊喜于我的活力. 只是更大的考验接踵而来。和我至亲至爱的哥哥在90岁生日的睡眠中去世，他是有福之人。跟散居世界各地的儿孙辈们当天都视屏过了，这样的生命是值得庆祝的！
Upon knowing about my diagnosis, my friends who checked on me were all pleasantly surprised to see that I was still energetic and full of life. But bigger challenges soon came, one after another. My dearest and beloved older brother who passed away on his 90th birthday in his sleep. He was a blessed man. Family from every corner of the world gathered together on a Facetime call to celebrate a life worth remembering.
阔别多年的姐妹淘，决心去儿子家共度难得的亲情时光。3/4/2023这个翻天的里程碑，形成了我窗里、窗外的分界线。
My close friends sent me off to my son’s house to spend time together with the family. March 4, 2023 was the day when everything changed — I could no longer go outside.
Boise, Idaho 的冬天从3月初到3月底,就稀稀落落地隔三差五的撒上一层雪。好不容易盼到儿孙放春假，兴高采烈的准备去尝试一下雪山环绕下浸泡温泉的幸福。
Winter at Boise, Idaho was snowing for most of the month of March. Finally spring came, at the start of my grandkids' spring break, we all looked forward to a visit to the hot springs that were surrounded by snowy mountains.
车子一路驶向山沟里，居然还有很多积雪。远远看到一处度假村。大家都高兴的准备来个温泉洗浴。
As we drove down the ravine, the road was still covered with snow. Everyone was excited when we saw the resort in the distance. Everyone was so looking forward to bathe in the hot springs.
刚一下车冷风灌入裤脚，猛觉胯下云腾雾气黄汤泛滥。女儿牵着我直奔厕所。一进那小屋子，濁氣薰天黃禍直流，女儿高挑的身影，毫不犹豫地跪倒在地，两手不停地处理秽物。老妈妈成了失控失禁的娃儿， 一生的尊嚴落地無聲，鸡毛亂飛。
Then, as soon as I got out of the car, I felt the wind and an uncomfortable feeling in my pants. My daughter held my hands and led me straight to the bathroom. As soon as we entered into the small toilet, the smell was suffocating. Without hesitation, my daughter knelt down and kept cleaning my body and disposing of the waste with both of her hands. I, as the mother, have now become the incontinent child who has become a burden. My dignity was shattered into pieces.
接连着几个晚上连续做噩梦，只怕对我心里的打击十分紧迫，两个晚上噩梦中跌倒在地，自己爬不起来。接着孩子就要求我，无论去哪儿都要用walker要做什么放个铃铛，让他们来帮忙。开始几天，我怎么也不肯，觉得从此失去自由。
三个大孩子跟我好话说尽，我用walker是他们的福气，如果我摔出了毛病，那才是他们最大的担心。三个大孩子求个老孩子一定要用walker. 买了好看的玫瑰（香槟色）对我好话说尽，老泪纵横我只有听话。
For several nights in a row, I had nightmares that made me anxious. I dreamed I fell to the ground and couldn't get up on my own. So my children asked me to use the walker wherever I went. And to use the bell and call for them to help. At first, I refused to do what they asked me to do. I was fighting to keep my freedom. My three adult children begged me to use a walker. If I used the walker, it would be best for them. If something was to happen to me, that would be their biggest worry. Three adult children asking an "old" child like me to use a walker. They bought beautiful champagne-color roses for me. They patiently encouraged me. They were so relieved when I finally gave in. But I felt like a child. Tears rolled down my face.
我从3/4号至今没法出门，不准出门。我什么时候走得出门，才算是走向健康！
I have been unable to go outside since March 4. Not allowed to go outside. When could I walk outside again? That would be the day that I would be walking towards better health.
年度的复活节，带给普天同庆春回大地的无限希望。苍天啊！也给我一点康复的希望吧！
Finally Easter is here, it’s a celebration of the return of spring and a time of infinite hope to the whole wide world. God, would you give me some hope for my recovery too please!
不过，生命是一场旅途，不管是崎岖山路，还是阳关大道，风光旖旎，还是荆棘坎坷，跌宕起伏，还是顺顺利利…都有到站的时候。我的终点站到了。下车喽！永远的再见
However, life is a journey, whether it is a rugged mountain road or a sunshine road with its beautiful scenery, whether it is filled of thorns and bumps with ups and downs or a smooth ride. There is always a stop. And my final stop has arrived. It’s time for me to get off and say a last goodbye.
我给学校的遗言是为我种一棵梨花（梨花一枝春带雨、依稀可辨眼与眉,不张不扬不霸气，芳菲最是四月天）
My last message to my beloved school: Please plant a pear tree. A pear blossom blooms from the spring rain. It is visible with our eyes, but subtle, and not domineering. It is fragrant every April, bringing hope into the world.
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